“You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses”

On May 14, 2009, a large thorn called Lymphoma pricked me. It began early in April, I felt a tight sensation around my throat.Shortly after that, I noticed a lump by my thyroid and a couple more on the right side of my neck.Being an expert internet surfer, I diagnosed myself with a goiter.I decided to go to my doctor to get her opinion.She said it was not a goiter but likely an infection.She placed me on an antibiotic for five days and told me to come back in two weeks if it was not better, she might need to refer me to a surgeon for a biopsy.The swelling did not get better, it was getting worse.I knew I was facing something major.The word Lymphoma popped into my head.I did not want to believe it so I performed numerous internet searches.I was so obsessed with finding another reason for my swollen lymph nodes that my co-workers threatened to take away my Internet access. Before I went back to my doctor, I had diagnosed myself with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and some sort of worm.I liked the worm one the best.I even went to the dentist in hopes that my teeth were causing the swelling.

When I went back to the doctor two weeks later she advised me to see an ENT that week.I was able to get an appointment with my daughter’s ENT the next day. aHe was also a college friend of my husband.I felt I could trust him and ask him anything.He checked me over and said he was afraid it was Lymphoma but wanted to do a biopsy that week.The word did not faze me when he first said it but as I walked out of his office the weight of that word can crashing down.He performed the biopsy on 5-8-09.After removing the node, he told Tim and my good friend Amy that he was positive it was Lymphoma.On 5-14-09, we went back in for the official results where Lymphoma was confirmed.To add insult to injury this type of Lymphoma turns out to be one of the rarer forms that strikes mainly older men.He referred me to an Oncologist.As Tim drove me to the Oncologist to pick up the paperwork I googled this type of Lymphoma and literally fell apart.Within a matter of seconds, those tears turned to anger.Afterwards Tim said he has never seen me so angry.I am glad the anger came because that meant that was I willing to fight this.Statistics do not mean a thing.I am going to rejoice that this thorn has roses.

That afternoon we told the kids and they handled the news well.I told them that I wanted all of us to journal what we were feeling and experiencing every day.I was about to go out and buy some fancy paper journals when I received the email stating that a website was being developed to help me record my journey and it would to allow others track my progress and to journey with me.I was mad that I did not think of this idea myself because I am such an internetalholic.

When the oncologist I was referred to reviewed the results, she called me and said that I needed to see the Oncologist that specializes in this type of Lymphoma at Jewish Hospital.This appointment is scheduled for 5-19-09.

I have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support from my family and friends.Those of you who know me well know that I am a giver never a receiver.I take care of others but I do not allow others to take care of me.I am being forced to change my whole way of being but I am willing to do that in order to win this battle.

I have gone through every emotion there is in the last few days but am gathering strength from my family and friends.I have to admit that this was and is a difficult diagnosis but I do not want pity, tears are okay from time to time.I want my family (personal & work) and friends to join with me in focusing on a positive outcome. LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!!!!

By the way, our wedding song was “The Rose.”

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